Back Up Plan? No. Thank you.

I recently discovered that even boy’s hearts get broken. Imagine. In my girlish ignorant bliss I was certain that everything else in this world (including non-living things) hurt except boys.

So. I have these two friends of mine. Boys. They are kinda sorta going through the same thing. Friend No. 1 met this chick and he was over the moon about her. She was smart, intelligent, witty, independent, a Christian. Every thing he wanted in a woman was encased in this girl. He unleashed the romantic dragon in him and spoiled her rotten, he tells me. He did everything contained in “what-every-girl-dies-for-her-man-to-do-for-her” handbook. It was so serious, that everytime we talked, he did ALL the talking. He was bubbling with incomprehensible joy.

No. It was not a happily-ever-after ending, this one. One day this mama hollaz at him and says, what every man dreads to be told by a woman “we need to talk”. That is when things started going down hill. For the sake of the respect I accord my friend, I will not divulge the contents of that conversation, but the long and short of it is, the chick wasn’t interested in taking things “there”. You know, the proverbial, next step.

Friend No. 2. He hit me up one day, excited to the point of breathlessness. “I have met her! The one”. “Ehe, I want all the details”, I said. He told me that he had known this chick for a while, but he didn’t want to jinx it by shouting about it, before he was sure. Now he was also ready to take things to (say it with me) the next level. So, my boy went and did it BIG. You know, the hiring a limo, taking girl to a fancy restaurant type thang? Yeah. That’s what my boy gone and do. This girl sat pretty through it all, until he said he liked her and he wanted to explore the possibility of them getting to errr… know each other better. That is when things went south.

Before I give my two cents on all the above. I need to talk to the gentlemen in this place. When you approach a lady, kindly go with two minds. It could swing either way. Yes or No. With this mindset, you will accept the No not as a rejection but as a conventional response. Ok? Ok.

Back to our story. My two friends looked for me to give me the not so pleasant news. I really felt for them, because truth be told, they are decent guys. They don’t strike me as bad peoples. Time the healer passes and soon, my two friends are out on the hunting ground again. This is the part their stories merge. They both start acting the same. They are taking things easy. Not wanting to commit to the new girls they have met. They are being over cautious. They both don’t want to get hurt errr.. to what is the manly thing to say about hurt? They don’t want a repeat performance. They both seem lukewarm. I no longer see the zeal they had before, just tonnes of complacency.

Now this is where my problem is. These two gentlemen have met two ladies. These chicks must be excited about the new dudes in their lives. I imagine how they are somewhere giving a hundred percent, wanting to give it their all. But. But. But. They are getting about 50% of input from the dudes because they don’t want to get hurt. Let’s hope that these ladies are also not giving 50% because they also don’t want to get hurt. That would be one messy affair.

By God, I don’t know whether I believe in psychics. But one thing I consider true is that intuition is God’s gift to women. Even perception. It is only a matter of time before these girls start feeling in their gut, that something is not right. Their eyes will suddenly open, and they shall KNOW that this is not what they signed up for. You know, wake up and smell the coffee. And guess what will happen to my two friends. They shall be left. Again.

Here’s the deal guys. If you know you still haven’t gotten over what was your main plan, for the sake of humanity, wait it out till you feel ready to make another person your main plan. If you really think about it, no one is interested in being a consolation prize. So, pick up your phone call that girl. End it. Let someone else celebrate her as the ultimate prize.

Yeah, I just said that.

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  1. Men get hurt,it’s that our ego/pride does a presumably good job of masking it.
    “When you approach a lady, kindly go with two minds.”.. a double minded person never does/achieves anything… so this bit I may not agree with..
    The flip side of this,to me at least, is that most chics like/want to have their cake & eat it too!so we end up with is a lot of chics with ‘how-best-to-break-up’ experience & a lot of otherwise nice guys gone rogue if I may say..

    Good point on the Letting go bit though..
    That’s what is InMyMind!

    • I totally hear what you say, when you talk about not being a double minded person. However, there are tonnes of dudes out there, who don’t know how to deal with a NO, always taking it to mean “rejected”. I guess the safest thing to say is, life is never ideal. Thanks for stopping by πŸ™‚

  2. guys hurt a lot, sometimes more than girls, they just know how to mask and hide it more than girls do.i like that ultimate not consolation prize πŸ™‚

    • Wakarima, so I’m learning. I HONESTLY used to think that it’s more use to feel sorry for an office computer than a man, but I’ve got my learn on. Thanks babe. πŸ™‚

  3. Shekyn are you sure I didn’t tell you this? Its like you peeked into my heart and stole the words! πŸ˜€ Or you psychic or telepathic as you were saying? Lets just say we better masques than women. Every man wears a mask! πŸ™‚

    • I am greatful that I shared these thoughts, because I am learning without a doubt, that men really do have feelings (and the mask thing, every one is saying it) Wowzers. Thanks for stopping by.

  4. wooiye!! hope they got over it!! but i think its hard for some guys to break up with women than vice versa!

    • I don’t know Nancie, could it be that we (women) are naturally melodramatic. *hides πŸ™‚

  5. Loved it hon… loved it. The psychic sense is there even when they think they are hiding it we can tell. The truth that guys learning from loving that hard is that there WILL be someone who loves them with their all. That is the ultimate they should look out for and be real about wanting that and not settling for hurting someone who shouldn’t be loving them when their hearts and minds are elsewhere.

    • Thanks love. See maybe (I don’t know cause I am not an expert, and neither is there a formula for love) people don’t know how to accept good things in life. Think about it, we are always holding on to hurts, to the past, to our rejections. I know. It’s pretty ironic. But it’s something that we can learn and rectify, and actually get to a place of believing, we REALLY do deserve the best. Thanks for stopping by.

  6. nice read this blog!!!!!

  7. Both as a man who has been hurt and who has found love, all you said is true. But I only have one general problem with women….you guys also like getting attention from men even while knowing that you eventually do not want anything serious. Men go in for the kill..err so to speak, so we don’t go in for a No, we go for Yes and quite frankly we go for the killer blow after evaluating the situation so for her to say No..eish.
    Aside that, I have come to realize that to love means to put yourself on the line, male or female. it is hard but the returns are super awesome. So men and women alike, if you feel that it is worth it, love that person foolishly.
    That is my 2pence

    • I totally agree with you…

      • Mutua, I agree with you hundred percent, women are not to lead men on, when they know very well, that they are not interested. Thanks for your words of wisdom. Blessings.

  8. i really regret why i took that home science class in primary school!i wish i could be refunded…

    i was told men are the opposite of women so keep off them! it was impressed upon me that as a man i’m a parasite to women’s future, predisposed to leech on their ambitions to be future career independent women with my inherent predatory manhood!

    that is where my homescience knowledge parted company with the real world!in short many many years late i’ve come to see that men and wome are the same but different.cut our skins we both bleed. our hearts both break.just ask one species to close the eyes and operate as the other one for a day and you will validate the truth in Beyonce’s “if i was a boy” song

    But this area of human life called “love” is the melting pot for us all. no wonder rules for it keep being invented and broken all the time throughout time. sometimes its better to be a eunuch

    • What’s to add here? Thanks so much for you insight.

    • Alfred
    • November 18th, 2010

    It couldn’t get better than this:

    ‘Here’s the deal guys. If you know you still haven’t gotten over what was your main plan, for the sake of humanity, wait it out till you feel ready to make another person your main plan. If you really think about it, no one is interested in being a consolation prize. So, pick up your phone call that girl. End it. Let someone else celebrate her as the ultimate prize.’
    Shekyn, you’ve spoken deep, very deep.

  9. nice post, but such is life once bitten twice shy

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