Not So Express—The Supermarket Edition

I hate shopping. Nay, I detest shopping. Know how everyone assumes all girls love shopping? Not me. It is definitely not one of those things you can stereotype me on as a female. When I go to the supermarket, I know what I want and most times I even know the lane I will find it in. I pick it up and make a beeline to the first free cashier I spot. I live with my sister, so most times I let her do the bulk shopping. So if I go to the supermarket I will usually be there to buy not more than five items. Enter the Express Counter. When supermarkets in Kenya introduced the Express Counter, I knew there was a God. This meant I didn’t have to stand in line to watch rich housewives with two huge shopping carts pay for their extravagant wares. But wait.

The other day I was at the supermarket, dashed to the specific lane–the refrigerator, picked up my yoghurt and straight to the Express Counter I went. I was baffled to realize folk out here don’t know how to count. Let me ‘xplain. It says up there quite clearly, “not more than five items” and folk wanted to pay for their TWENTY items at the Express Counter. When I went to school, I was taught five items are: (count with me) one, two, three, four, five. NOT one, two…thirteen, fourteen…twenty. I was speechless as I watched respectable men and women act all ign’ant ignorant about this. Their school of thought says: If you buy bread and milk, no matter the quantities, you have bought two items. I’m sorry?! Listen grandpa, it says five items NOT five types of goods up there. When you have ten packets of milk, it doesn’t mean you have one item! You have ten items! Gerrit?! I can’t tell you how much this grinds my gears! ARRRRRGGHHH!

Anywho! In the true spirit of positivity I thought to do this post to educate folk. Instead of thinking all the not so pleasant stuff I think when I’m standing in queue behind these distinguished members of our society, who do this all the time, I thought I would do a good deed, such as writing a post on my blog to educate folk on what an Express Counter is really about. Consider this my contribution to community service.

Lesson begins here: Dear man/woman standing at the Express Counter with all five hundred items you have just purchased. It is absolutely unacceptable of you to pretend you can’t count up to five while you cane your kids at home when they fail at Math. That is NOT winning!

Yeah, I just said that!

  1. I’ve discovered that more often than not the express counter has a long queue and sometimes there is another counter that will be much faster as there’s only one person or so. However shame on those guys who can’t count

    • I know right? Most times when I find the “100 items on the express counter” kinda people, I use the regular counter. Thanks for reading.

    • savvy
    • January 16th, 2012

    Yeah Gitts, shame on those who are abusing the Express Counter!

    • Yer? Was also thinking some blame should be apportioned to the cashiers who don’t send them to the time out corner when these customers shamelessly “cheat”. *shrug*

  2. Well, I guess these people who take a thousand items to the “Express counter” go there specifically to get Express service. Only explanation I have for such dumb behaviour.

    How can you not love shopping?

    • Hehehe. I love your explanation.
      Shopping is tedious. To put it lightly.

    • nikittacole
    • January 17th, 2012

    I think what I love best about your blog post is the very creative titles you give them 🙂

  3. Hehehehe….was thinking too that blame should be apportioned to cashiers who serve on the supposedly express counter – if they were to send off people to the time out counter (i like this phrase ;)), it would still some sense. Contribution considered.

  4. Hehehe. What can I say, I get very creative when agitated. Thanks for stopping by here.

    • Gemngash
    • February 10th, 2012

    Next time that happens…walk straight to the cashier passin’ all those shoppers with a 1000+ items on the express counter……wait for them to open their mouths in protest…then gal..

    Feel free to give a free maths lesson on basics like..”Addition”

    Better yet…top it up with a lesson of good “public behaviour” and self-responsibility..

    The beauty of the SCENE you might cause is the FACT that…you’ll be RIGHT…hence u’re basis for argument..

    And the best will probably be…you actually gettin’ to meet the manager of the supermarket…hehehe,how cool!!

    NB:: Not to be done on calculated time though(e.g lunch break)…rather a time when u have all the time in the world,hihihi..

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