Five Otherwise “Normal” Things That Stupefy Me With Fear x_x

This may be the first post that I have written that will leave me with zero street-cred. Maybe not. But for the sake of your entertainment or consolation, I thought up five things that are deemed to be normal that completely freak me out. No, this is not about creepy crawlies–you know snakes and their relatives? Well, here goes:

1. Mermaids

Explain to me whose genius it was to create an inanimate being that looks half-woman half-fish. I would imagine that women are supposed to fear many waters–you know like the sea? I couldn’t swim to save my life. But not a mermaid. A mermaid swims in the dark high waters. A mermaid’s effortless gait (in this most frightening environment) coupled with her unmatched beauty makes me want to holla at my mama and to hold on very tightly to the hems of her garment.

2. Angels

It’s not so much the angel–as the wings. The wings. I wouldn’t mind seeing an angel with a halo only, but dude! an angel with wings? Nah. Any creature that resembles a human being even in the slightest form SHOULD NOT have wings. There was heavy rave about Kanye West’s Runaway video (his longest video, I think) sometime last year and I couldn’t finish the video cuz there was an angel in there that had ghastly wings. I was traumatized for days. After watching that video, I pay more attention to such prayers: “Lord send me an angel”. I prefer to be more specific and say, “Lord send me an invisible angel. πŸ™‚

3. Black Wedding Gowns

World, they have designed a black wedding gown! I know y’alls are moving away from the conventional colour of the wedding gown. Which is great because weddings are the place to showcase our creative grandiose and what-not. But girlfriend if you decide to have a black wedding gown for your wedding, please don’t invite me. I assure you that the moment I see you walk down the aisle, I will fall down in a neat bundle fraught with untold trepidation. Girl, a black wedding gown in my humble opinion is reserved for horror movies. If you hate me and want to scare me to death, do the whole five-brides-getting-married-on-the-same-day-thing and then make their wedding gowns in black. Also, a group of many brides even in white gowns. Pure horror. Whoa!

4. Kids With Genius

I’m talking about the two-month-old-baby that can walk, or weird stuff like that. While their parents are blindened by the fallacy that their kid is gonna be the next Einstein, I’m not fooled. I’m like, “Uhm kid, what’s the hurry to walk only two months into your life when you have (say about) eighty years to do that?” If you doubt me on this one, ask yourself why producers of horror movies like to feature kids in them? What happened to people leaving kids to just play with legos?

5. Cars

Don’t judge me or judge me if you must but I fear cars. Can’t drive ’em. Can’t think straight around them. I see you brave folk crossing roads while texting your significant others or tweeting and I get plain mesmerized. I don’t even talk about Mombasa Road. I can’t cross that road. If anybody here is looking for a business idea I have one. Buy a chopper and ferry people across Mombasa Road. But before all you enterprising friends of mine run with that plan, I will charter a chopper to cross that road.

I can now see your face contorted with concern, all set to leave me a comment telling me FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real (which I’m a believer of by the way). This is just for laughs, and I’m serious that this stuff really does freak me out, but not to the point of losing my sleep. I will tell you what I lose my sleep over though. I once had a dream that I was walking under a certain tree and a chameleon that was on that tree lost it’s grip and fell on my hair. Because this chameleon was afraid to never lose its grip ever again, it held on to my hair, like it would for dear life.

That was the first time I screamed in my sleep.

Yeah, I just said that.

  1. Angels?? Really? That’s the one I find weird, lol. Wings are COOL!!!

  2. Hahaha! I think mermaids are pretty cool; I still believe they exist (judge me now). πŸ™‚

    Once upon a time, I dreamt of a black-everything wedding. Thank God for my mother’s prayers, because now I keep asking myself what the eff was I thinking! *smh* I’m with you on that, I wouldn’t go for a wedding where the bride’s in black.

    Chameleons!!!! *shudders!!!*

  3. Hehehe. No judging zone this. Black-everything wedding, really hun? Thank the good Lord for opening your eyes. That stuff is cray.

    • Willy
    • January 26th, 2012

    Witty as always, just made my otherwise dull night. Keep em coming, i love your style of writing. You are a good story teller.

  4. Why thank you very much. Thanks for stopping by.

      • Willy
      • January 27th, 2012

      This and that…..problems with SO but you made me smile.

    • That Angel Girl
    • January 30th, 2012

    I can’t drive either! πŸ™‚ I tell people it’s because I’m too classy and I want to be driven around, but really it’s because I’m scared I’ll kill someone. :/

    And I TOTALLY GET the many brides thing! Mass weddings freak me out a bit. They seem cultish to me. :/

    You’re funny. I like you.

    • No. I like you. First you can’t drive (the side eyes I get from people when I tell them I can’t drive are waaaay to harsh, you’d think I killed someone), then you actually get the mass wedding thing being cultish. That is what I should have said on the post! I totes wanted to say cultish. Oh gosh. You are awesome! Thanks so much for reading Angel. *groupie love* πŸ˜€

  5. I’m scared of chameleons, frogs, lizards, snakes.. anything else like mermaids is pretty cool. Prodigies fascinate me, as do mermaids and angels.

    Dolls in horror movies are the scary ones!

    • Yer. The creepy crawlies. I don’t even want to be considered ninja right now. I fear them to death. Hehehehe. Dolls? Now that you mention, they can be pretty creepy.

    • I hate dolls in movies! One time I watched a horror movie centred largely on dolls, my friend, I couldn’t sleep (alone) for a week!

      • Hahahaha. Woi. Ebu you and Savvy stop planting fears πŸ™‚

        • Watch Dead Silence then we shall have this conversation. *shudders*

            • Doris
            • January 31st, 2012

            The last horror movie i watched was ‘the ring/ ringu’ & that was 9 years ago. I fear horror movies!

  6. Those dolls with distorted faces. *Shudder*

    You’re afraid of cars?

    • Yer, dolls can be FA-REEK-EY! Imagine yes. I’m afraid of cars. You are a hero to drive gal.

  7. Mermaids…see, now you’re being smart and practical. Que? If you’re into the fantastical like yours truly, you are supposed to be VERY afraid of mermaids (a.k.a sirens). Me on the other hand, I’m not that smart. I’m all buddy buddy with the worst of them; vamps, weres, fey etc See? Not smart.
    Ditto on the black wedding gowns…

    • I take it you like unicorns too? We should call you fantastic Nyambura huh? Hehehe.

    • Nymmoh
    • February 1st, 2012

    Chameleons, crawlies, weddings, horror!!! A kid walking or talking at 2 months old?? I would definitely run the other way very very first. That’s oh so creepy!
    Made my afty πŸ™‚

  8. We would run together girl. Hahaha. Wheew!

  9. Are you afraid of Mermaids after pirates 4?
    I think I’d be more afraid of Demons than Angels

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