A Tale About Green Things, “Joblessness” & Lovely Neighbours

I resigned from work. I really would have wanted to say, “I quit!” (with rolling eyes for effect) except I’m no quitter. So, resigned it is. I did not resign because I got greener pastures, or a green card, or anything green for that matter, not even bountiful dollars! I resigned because I knew it was time to turn over a new green leaf. 

I’ve been at home for about ten days now, and if I don’t get a job as a writer, (if you know anybody, who knows somebody…) I’m afraid I’m going to become a busybody. Speaking of which allow me to school you oh fellow Kenyans. Busy bodies are NOT people who stay busy. They are people who stay busy–yeees, but busy WITH people’s business. Get it? Please don’t give me that look, I know folk who think busybod…oh well, you get it.

So anyways, being home these past ten days has given me a closer, intimate look into my neighbours lives. Ahem! Do. Not. Judge. Me! When I was working, I hardly knew the name of my next door neighbour. I’ve been home with our lovely house-help, who manages to work AND keep tabs on everything that goes around in the neighbourhood. For some reason she feels obligated to share this information with me, and this has left me no choice but to know a little more than I should know  about my neighbours. *shrug*

Knowing my neighbours in this new way has forced me to write them the following letter:

To My Lovely Neighbours, (the term lovely used very loosely here)

Hi! I hope that this letter finds you well.

Hey baby mama! Look at your gorgeous babe! She has grown up SO fast. She has the loveliest smile and is so sweet to me, every time I try to “coo” her. But girlfriend, we need to talk. How you gonna leave your one year old child with a house-help that you barely feed? You switch off the gas so that she doesn’t cook. Giirl, how did you even think about counting the vegetables you leave every morning? I mean where do you even get the time to do that?! Really? What do you think will happen to your little girl when she wakes up crying, and she needs something prepared for her stat. Did you think of that? And honestly, how do you treat the person who takes care of your most important “possession” like that? Let them go a whole day without food for a whole day. Would you?

Hallo house-help to baby mama! I like you. I like you mainly because you told our house-help that you like me. You said I seem like a sweet person. Why thank you very much! *smiles coyly* Anyway, we need to talk ’bout a liiiiittle thing that you do, that sadly, I don’t like–how you sing your favourite song. Every morning, I’m greeted by your loud singing: “TABIA EEEEH! TAABIA MBAYA!” These lyrics sang on repeat, uhm is not exactly tabia nzuri.

Hey granny! Err… I mean lady. I love your white hair. Honest. When I grow up I want mine to look just like yours, only longer. I used to see you when I was going to work those few years ago. (It’s been ONLY ten days?) You’d make your adult son drive you to work every single day. That’s ok, I guess. But what I didn’t know, is that he would return the car back home after dropping you off at work. Then, he would take a bus to his place of work. Are you kidding me right now? Why would you do that? Why not just let your son keep the car the whole day? I mean…

Hey faceless neighbour! I don’t know if you are a lady, a guy or a child. All I know is that your walls are very thin and I hear all the music that you play in your house. You have woken me up several times because of this peculiar habit you have–of playing VERY loud music. There is something I want to tell you that you probably didn’t know. Next to the button you use to pomp up the volume is the button to reduce your volume! Look. It’s there. Seen it? Great. Now turn your volume a hundred notches lower. Thanks a lot.

Family (I hope you don’t mind me calling you that), you need to look into the above teeny-weeny issues. No hard feelings though.

Warm regards,

Your Awesome Neighbour

 

Stay tuned for more juicy neighbour-stories OR somebody please email me a writing job offer to shekyndee@gmail.com. I could use some greens (see what I did there?) or browns for that matter.

Yeah, I just said that!

 

 

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    • Willy
    • October 13th, 2012

    Sorry to learn of your jobless state…hope you’ll find the kid of gig that only gives good return but also brings meaning into your life.

      • Shekyn
      • October 16th, 2012

      It’s not a thing to be sorry about, this state (as you refer to it). Thanks for stopping by.

  1. wow… resigned? i applaud you on making this of course, difficult choice and i wish you work that you truly will love kabisa. talking of which, now that you have days and days and days… coffee? malizad the programme and never once met you huko :- (* . now doing the other one too :- )*

      • Shekyn
      • October 16th, 2012

      Yes. You read right Mutheu 🙂 Thank you, I’m loving it on this other side. Drop me a line soon on (shekyndee@gmail.com), and that coffee will be had. Please yes.

    • untonyto
    • October 15th, 2012

    Your decision to resign stands out far more prominently than all your colorful neighbors combined. I admire your resolute spirit. Best wishes.

      • Shekyn
      • October 16th, 2012

      Why thank you very much. Looking forward to the big thing that is in store.

    • Reh
    • October 16th, 2012

    OHHHHHHH MY i looooooooove this.. more more..(thats what the cow said)

      • Shekyn
      • October 16th, 2012

      Hahaha. Nice one. Thanks dear.

    • Wambui
    • October 17th, 2012

    soo proud of you for making the move!! now to the awesome neighbours..an anonymous print out would work magic!! 🙂

  2. A lovely post and what interesting neighbours too. Your observational skills are quite apparent here and I believe you could do well as an investigative journalist or crime fiction….

    • Are you serious? I love telling real life stories. Fiction is not my thing really. Thanks for reading Woolie.

  3. LOOOL. You weird neighbors. That is all I will say.

    • Who is weird, them or me (for noticing these things)?

  4. Hii si poa, may you get that job soon I wouldn’t want a busy body out of you!

    • Did you not read what I asked? If you know anybody who knows somebody… Hehehe. Will do very soon.

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